im drinking this country out of the recession.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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