Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
