my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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