All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
A+ Viking dick
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
