shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
