help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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