grandma shit on top of the toilet
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
