We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
