We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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