'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
