There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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