Soap is not a condiment
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
