I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
false alarm, still single
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
