The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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