My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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