he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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