This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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