Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
