i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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