Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
