my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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