I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
