Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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