I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
