your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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