i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
