Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
