I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
