ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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