My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
