I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
...so i touched it.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
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