You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
