he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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