people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
