yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
