please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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