You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
