There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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