I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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