Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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