I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
