I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
