Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
