i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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