I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
