and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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