note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
