Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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