My liver just broke up with me...
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
