So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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